Dance Yourself Clean

Disclaimer: I wrote this at 5am, drunk, after a night out dancing. It's not at all good. But I wanted to post it because these drunken words are sober thoughts and I'm not feeling like writing anything else.

So, the thing about dancing...

I have been known to say "if I had to choose between sex and dancing, I'd pick dancing every time." Someone's going to argue that I've never really had the kind of sex that blows your mind (of course I have). But I think the real problem is that they've never had the kind of dancing that sets you free. I wish for all of my friends — for all people — that they could let go of all their self consciousness and just  dance.

I don't know when it happened for me. I might have always been this way. I don't remember a time in my life where I was afraid to dance, but I imagine in my teenage years I was. This I have learned: Dancing is the only thing I know that truly frees me. As I am getting older, I'm witnessing my friends, even my brother, cross their own dance-thresholds. It's happening for many of them, each in their own time, but I'm watching with joy as it does. This moment in their life when they suddenly don't care what they look like on the dance floor and they instead prefer to be a part of the joy — a part of the party. Somewhere along the way they've realized that whatever held them back before is no longer worth missing out.

You know that saying "dance as if no one is watching"? One of my dearest friends told me recently, as both a metaphor for me as a person and as a literal reference to the way I danced, that I did just this. It's the cheesiest saying, but it is, without a doubt, the truth for me. I'm not trying to toot my own horn because I'm not exactly a good dancer. I'm just a carefree dancer. And in my opinion, that is the best kind. Sometimes others call people like me "good dancers" because we have no inhibitions and we can bring nearly anyone into the party and because nobody has more fun. In a world full of cynical, terrified people, of people who don't know who they are, if my contribution is to stand in front of them, dance my heart out and give them inspiration or dancing-desire or even just the joy of watching someone else's true happiness, then I feel I have accomplished something real.

Dancing is the only way I know to completely let go of fear and be free of shame and loneliness and insecurity. I have spent my lifetime looking for ways to love myself and I've realized in my adult life that the way I love me best is on the dance floor. Dancing makes me sweat (an embarrassing amount, but it never stops me) and it makes me smile and it makes me love. Dancing makes me instantly forget what I left behind or what's hiding around the corner. I don't care what I look like or if a boy thinks I'm cute. I don't care if I smell bad or if I'm awkward or unladylike. All I care about is that I'm moving and grooving and feeling alive. This feeling I want for everyone.

I still know a lot of people who "don't like to dance." The way I see it, they just don't know yet that they do because they are too scared to truly do it. I wish more than anything that I could give a simple gift to everyone I know and love. The gift is that for one night — even just for one song — they can forget about the rest of the world. That they can close their eyes and feel the music and feel the beat. And then they will know what they are missing and they will never look back.

There is nothing that I love more than dancing. Not sex nor food nor laughing nor love. Dancing is the only way I know to be who I am. Now I want to find a way to spread this crazy love affair. How do I convince everyone who's still left standing to shut themselves down for five minutes and find out what it means to love yourself, your moves and the DJ?

I will dance until I die. And when I die, everyone I love has orders to dance on my grave. One. More. Time.