Fond Farewell to a Fish

Magical batfish
You let us all pet your scales
Are you fish or cat?

Ruler of the "sea"
You shocked your enemies dead
You just wanted friends

Giant empty tank
Starry and crabby miss you
Do fish have heaven?


Farewell, sweet Batty. We'll miss you.

Dramatic? Yes. But really, it's so weird how a fish can feel like a pet. I came home for the weekend and though I knew Batty had died, it was quite shocking to see a big empty tank (save for Starry the starfish and Crabby the crab. We've always been really creative with naming our tank pets, eh?) And on that note, every time I come home, I swear Calvin has died. She just turned 16 and is so very frail and goes into crazy sleep comas where you'd swear she was dead if you couldn't see her breathing. She's the last pet left and then it's a changing tide for the Friedmans. Out go the cats and in come the kids. I look forward to having babies in the family, but I sure will miss the way things are now at family get-togethers, i.e. FUN!

Bend never changes. I went out on Saturday night to the usual spots and as expected, ran into the usual characters. The major difference this time was that we started at the D. What a foolish plan. As a result, today felt like death. For many years I avoided eye contact with people from my past for fear that they might not remember who I am and then it will be so incredibly awkward. I'm noticing as I get older, other people are starting to go out of their way to say hi. Are they desperate for gossip about old mutual friends? Are they making amends for their tool bag behavior from high school? I think I liked it better when we all looked away.

I love to come home and sleep in my old room, surrounded in purple walls and snow globes. On the other hand, I feel so disconnected from my real life the second I get here.

Time
to
go
Back.

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First boys, then job, then blog

That was my intended order of operations for the evening. I deviated somewhat and chose blog before job. I'll get to applying to that sushi restaurant later...

I decided a little over a month ago to try online dating, but seeing as how I'm unemployed, opted for the free site OkCupid. There are a surprising number of decent guys on there. But man, is it time-consuming. Someone once said to me (actually, many someones) that "internet dating is like a full-time job." They aren't kidding. I never even browse other people. I respond to messages and look at people who express interest in me. These two actions alone take forever.

In the last few days, my inbox has been inundated with messages from a few potentially decent guys and I realized it's now or never if I want to try talking to them. The thing is, not but a few days ago I told my friend Margaux that I would be putting a halt on dating until I found a job and a new place to live. But how can I be expected to ignore cute boys who message me about sandwiches and spelling?

Here's my problem with the internet dating scene: It's so incredibly easy to misrepresent yourself, even if you don't do it intentionally. I tried to put realistic photos and descriptions of myself, but that doesn't mean I didn't choose ones that I thought I looked cute in. And when I write to someone, it's me writing in all truthfulness. But, when you have all the time in the world to calculate exactly what you will say, you have all the time in the world to show off the cleverest and most date-able version of you. Just because you have verbal chemistry, doesn't mean it will translate into true, real-life attraction.

I think what I'm learning is that if I'm going to take this seriously, I need to spend less time messaging and creating a false world of wit and instead meet them sooner! That way, if we really don't have a romantic connection, we can either move on or be friends without the awkward task of ending a relationship that became fairly intense through conversation. I'm not sure I'm prepared for the high level of emotion that the up-and-down nature of this kind of dating demands...

I gotta get a real job so I can really focus in on my dating job. When I told Margaux I had four boys to respond to, she laughed and suggested I copy and paste the same message. Only to follow with "it really is like looking for a job. You copy and paste and then end up editing so much anyway." Truth!

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Everybody's working for the weekend (except me)

So far I've managed to completely neglect my idea of starting a blog. I've been majorly focused on looking for a job the past week. A whirlwind of interviews that ended with the usual, "we are very impressed with you, but just decided to go with someone with more experience" and restaurants that "aren't hiring right now but we are always accepting resumes," culminated with me getting an interview tomorrow at a restaurant on Mississippi. "Can you come in and work a couple of hours one night this week? That's how we interview here..."

What the eff? I mean, I'm certainly qualified and great at restaurant work, but it's always hell when you first start working in one and my god, working for free? I better get that damn job. The restaurant is only open nights so it will leave me plenty of time to get another part-time job or hang out in the sun all summer or dedicate myself completely to blogging.

I finally got to play with the HTC Incredible a couple days ago. While my heart still wants an iPhone, there is just no way I'm switching to AT&T and I think I'm going to go ahead and settle into the idea of the Incredible. It was pretty great and despite having the lamest name ever, I think it'll do.

I want to eat cherries on a sunny porch and spit the pits into the yard...

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Sweet, sweet chasm of interweb glory

Here is another blog. It's not pretty and I'm not quite sure what to do with it yet. But I decided it was time I adopt yet another online habit to ensure I fall deeper and deeper into the abyss of internet gratification (go outside damn it!) In part, I'm doing it for professional reasons. In part, because of boredom. But whatever the reason, it is done. I can, however, say with great pride that I still do not have a Twitter account... although that satisfaction may be fleeting as this too is something my "profession" demands I understand from experience.

Let me first discuss the name of my blog. For fear that you might think I'm pretentious for picking fancy words (my cousin did until she understood the name), I'm going to give you the ol' one-two.

1. Ennui is pronounced "on we" and therefore, it rhymes with debris. Things that rhyme in non-obvious ways win.

2. Ennui is defined as: a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement. Debris is, of course, fragments or loose material. Jobless --> bored --> random things happen --> write them on blog --> people think I'm cool --> I rule.

But this isn't just about my life. At 25, I'm watching those around me struggle with the same things I do: trying to find a good job, trying to make money in the meantime, trying to still "party" but waking up with much more horrifying hangovers, trying to live on a budget, trying to ignore the fact that people are rapidly making their way down the aisle and to the home birthing tub, trying like hell to find a way to enjoy our twenties before they are gone...

My life is not inherently interesting. But all of us put together.... now that's a story I can buy! And you better believe if you tell me a funny story it's going to end up here. Because, well, what better way to fight the ennui?

And to finish: a baby making a cat really mad....

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