Everybody knows.
Today I had to take responsibility and last minute line something serious up for work and now I'm super nervous that it might fall through and I'll let down my boss and the company. There's probably no reason to be worried, but at work, I feel like a kid. I'm one of the young twenty-somethings, with my desk stationed in the back office amongst "the kids" (as I like to call us), who all make little money and do whatever we're told. I like it that way.
Responsibility sucks. And, in spite of all the desperate desires I have to fall in love, it makes me like being single; I don't have to answer to anyone. Nobody's feelings or plans are in my hands. I can disappear and no one will notice. I can spend whatever money I want and not feel guilty. It's great.
But now, as I grow older, I'm seeing expectations growing with me. From my superiors. From my peers. From my parents. From myself really. I want to buy dinner for my family when we go out. I want people to know they can count on me. But I also want to run away to another country and forget my obligations. The sad thing is, at 26, my only real obligation is a job that I could probably leave behind.
A conflicted girl I am. Do I try to become more responsible and make commitments and be someone reliable or do I try to become less responsible and do the things that are piling up on my wish list? What I really want to do is dance, eat carrot cake, go on warm night swims and read trashy books.
