Party like it's 2005

Okay, I'll admit it. I was being a bit dramatic. Day one of that cleanse was horrible. It was all about self control and questioning my intentions. By the end of the day I wasn't even hungry. I was just picturing what three weeks of denying myself everything was going to feel like and I wondered why I was even considering it.

In the end, I was never really clear about my intentions and I decided that doing the cleanse was depriving me of social opportunities. Right now, socializing is what I need for my happiness and so I decided it was much more important to see my friends and participate in life than it was to detox things that I wasn't even that worried about. I did it for six and a half days and only cheated slightly (a couple slices of cheese and some decaf coffee). I lost a couple pounds, ate a bunch of produce and didn't poop for days. All in all, I'm ecstatic that I'm back to my regular life.

After having the most amazing weekend with my old college friends over New Years Eve, I realized that I'm getting in a rut here. A rut overflowing with wonderful friends who all happen to be coupled up and who mostly prefer to "stay in and make dinner" or go out "for a drink." I want to go out for 7 drinks. I want to dance so hard I'm sore the next day. I want to make out with strangers at bars. I want to wake up in the morning and look at my bank statement and say to myself "how the fuck did I spend so much money?" I know I'm not in college anymore but damn it, I'm single and in my 20s and I want to have fun. I've decided to spend more of my time surrounding myself in other people who want that too. I love all my friends and would never want to lose any of them, but I need some more action.

So I'm going out more. I'm sleeping less. I'm spending more money. I'm eating worse. I'm drinking too much. I'm neglecting the gym. I'm obsessing over boys. I'm not reading. I'm not learning. I'm not saving money for the things I want to buy. I'm dancing all the time. I'm laughing all the time. I'm excited for the weekends. I'm starting 2012 off like I'm 21 and you know what? I like it.

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Cleanses are for fucking assholes

So more than one friend (two to be exact) both came to me separately about a month ago talking about cleansing. I'd never really thought about doing one and for some reason I decided that it sounded like a good idea. So I binged like hell over the holidays knowing that I'd be ridding myself of whatever whatever blah blah blah.

I'm not really sure why I agreed to this. Is it truly about my health? Is it because normally I don't even care about the toxins I put into my body always? Is it about wanting to be a regular pooper for once in my life? Is it the discipline of it all? Or is it truly just because I heard you lose a few pounds? I don't know the answer. I think right now, after one single day of this stupid, stupid idea, the discipline is the only attractive part about it left. 

And guess what? I have none. I made it through today and by the end of the day was so calorie-depleted that I didn't go to the gym. That doesn't sound so productive? The cleanse was supposed to be 21 days. I started a day late and said "I'll do 20 because that event I want to go to is on the 22nd day so I can't really start a day late..." Then today, after drinking my first disgusting smoothie, I said to my coworkers "It's supposed to be 3 weeks but I'll be happy if I just do 2." By the end of the night, I was texting my friend Lindsey who's also cleansing saying "I don't really want to do this." 

I don't. I don't feel that unhappy or unhealthy in my life. I don't think that depriving myself of food is going to help me. I certainly don't think not having a social life because I can't fucking eat anything is going to help either. 

I guess it's that discipline thing. We're challenged every day by stupid tests of discipline. When we tell ourselves we won't fuck around on our cell phones while we are hanging out with friends but do it anyway. When I tell myself I'll actually work the whole day long and instead really work only half. Every night when I try to go to sleep at a decent hour but end up staying up doing the lousiest, worthless stuff. When I promise myself I'll cook more but always find an excuse to eat out. 

We are a culture of kids who know exactly what we should be doing but just can't be bothered to do it. 

Will cleansing my fucking colon cleanse me of my terrible habits? I doubt it. I want a corn dog. 

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